History Standing Alongside One’s Personal Life: The End of the Kennedy Brothers Era – Postscript & Personal Reflections
Sunday, August 30, 2009, right after Meet the Press
I was not old enough to cry for Jack or Bobby. But tears fell yesterday morning while I watched the funeral mass. Tears fell again this morning. I confess, at funerals I often wonder if those great qualities in the person being eulogized will be said of me. Do I possess them? Will people appreciate me?
Perhaps this ties in with a dream I had last night. I was walking along smoking a cigarette. “Oh shit, I’ve gone back to doing all 3 of my bad habits. Now I’ll have to stop again.” Well ok, I know 2 of those bad habits. What’s the 3rd? It could in fact, be a trait of Teddy’s that I fear is a weakness of mine. I felt it Friday night when Biden said of him, “with Teddy, it was never about him, it was always about You.” I have heard the opposite of that pushed in my face. I know some of it is their Projection, but …
Beyond the Redemption
I wondered where did his empathy come from? Where did all his concern for others come from? The answer of course, is that it came from the suffering he experienced. And is that not true also of myself? That my focus on doing Good for people and the planet I know comes from my own suffering growing up.
But that answer alone seems to contain a sense of the pejorative in it. A sense of lack of a limits in its genuine concern, since it stems from our own wounds. Neurosis. That which has lots of unseen Shadow in it. Or contradiction, as with me doing self destructive, polluting things. Ah, but as with Teddy and myself: it is genuine Healing of the Trauma that enables me to move Beyond the Redemption. That’s the key. That’s what’s makes it not just about Me, Me, Me, Mine – My Suffering. Life Forgiveness, it’s a process, it grows in degrees. Like shifting gears on a stick shift – let out the clutch as you press on the gas. It’ not a light switch that is flipped. So, Teddy is further along that path than me. I can live with that.
There is one thing though. Teddy was responsible for killing a girl. Or rather, involved with the death of a girl. That is no doubt what is at the core of his letter to the Pope. Yet tears fell with that letter too. Is there some Chappaquidic in my closet, or just a feeling of guilt at being involved or associated with the unforgivable?
Seeing the Obvious – Ted Kennedy
As I was biking along the lake yesterday, it hit me quite clearly. Here we’ve got a guy, about 36. It’s one year after is 2nd brother has been assassinated, murdered in cold blood, simply for their political views and concern for the common good. All within the last 6 years. His 3rd brother was killed when he was 14. In WWII, which granted, makes it easier. And I believe he had a few other siblings who died by ’69 as well. The country is in the midst of history making turmoil. An unwin-able war, drugs are available, Free Love and the Sexual Awaking. Civil Rights, of which he was a part. And now he’s the oldest in his family, with tons of fatherless nieces and nephews. Oh, and his life has been on display for like the last 10 years or more. People have been probably putting pressure on him to run for president.
Now he’s at a party with a bunch of cuties who adored and worked for his older brother. Hmm, ya think he might be tempted to have sex with one of them? Duh.
So now he goes off with one, and the worst possible thing happens – they get into a wreck and she’s killed. He knows this is tragic. He’s terrified. Jesus, his older brother fooled around, noboday sez nothing, and he’s an American Saint. Now when he, Teddy does it, not only is he gonna get caught, he’s a part of her death. And there’s no big brother to turn to, to call.
So with all this, ya, what a surprise he’s got a few problems with booze and such. That last until well after he’s run for president.
Doesn’t anybody in the media have a brain? My God, ya don’t have to be Freud, or Carl Jung. Nor do ya gotta make it Dr. Phil – Oprah pop psychology.
It would be nice if somebody said, “…with all that going on in my life, I’d [select from below, or fill in the blank]
a) wanna get drunk all the time too
b) do some self destructive things
c) be needing some time in psychotherapy
d) other
Seeing the Obvious – Town Hall protesters.
My email on August 14
Cut the horse poop at the vein popping screaming about health care reform. It is whites yelling their hatred of blacks. Period. On national tv. And then on Right wing media shows. KKK’ers must be lov’in this. I’m a 53 year old white guy who went to high school where we had race riots every Spring and Fall. I know scum sucking white nigger-haters when I see them.
I intentionally used the harsh word “nigger-hater” because racist sounds far too nice. Again, let’s look at the facts. One, these people don’t know the issues. Two, they are yelling and screaming bloody murder that their world as they know it is falling apart. Hmm, this intensity about everybody getting fair insurance. Three, the Right Wing media terrorists who are proding these assholes are openly fear mongers & anti-black. Oh, and we have a black president. Hmmm.
A Strong, Clear Voice
Politically, that’s what I’ll miss the most. I wish I had appreciated it more when he was alive. He was the one who cut through the bullshit and stated the issues clearly, in a strong and powerful voice. “…those people are Wrong….Health Care is a moral issue…Alkida is not connected to nuclear weapons….”
I wish he could speak one more time. I can hear him saying the following (or wish he would):
There are issues and situations where both sides must bear some of the blame. Lack of civility and reasonable discourse in politics today is not one of them.
In both houses of Congress it is the fault of the Republicans. It is they and their Right Wing media that for years has been demonizing what they oppose. In angry hyperbole that doesn’t contain facts. They have nurtured hatred and fear for decades. This didn’t start with President Bush, but it was during his reign that their unbridled anger got worse – they refused to compromise at any level. Do not forget – it was Republican Joseph McCarthy in the 1950’s who stirred up the Red Scare Witch hunt that became one of the most shameful times in our country’s history. I saw the Black Listing of hundreds of people. I saw American’s lives destroyed based on hearsay and forced testimony.
We need to stop this fear & hate propaganda machine so that we can make progress on the local and global challenges we face today.
History & The Gospel Truth
I enjoyed watching the mass yesterday. It was a beautiful service. It brought me back to growing up, and high school, and other times when I found solace inside a church, and the magnificent symbols.
During the Service, I tied a few things together. The eating the Body and Blood of Christ. It was only a few years ago I learned what’s behind Indians giving Flesh Offerings. [1] Our bodies, our flesh, is the only thing we really say is our own, the only thing we really have to give. Jesus and the Church, on the same vein. But Christ gives his Body and Blood to the People. And to the Creator, I think.
May Peace Be With You. And With You Too. What a fantastic exchange. My friend Joseph’s phrase “Many Blessing’s” is nice.[2] But to wish Peace. Not world peace. Inner Peace. What could be better.
I never understood the punitive side of God. If God is All Loving, how can he condemn to Hell those who ‘did not clothe or feed or comfort me’. Ah, but perhaps he doesn’t really mean Hell, and Forever. Maybe he’s just saying “Hey, cut the bullshit. You’re wrong and that’s that.” God is being tough and direct. No beating around the bush. And there’s a time and a place for this toughness.
Just like I do in these blogs and in my daily life. It’s the Regular Guy kindof approach. I don’t know if that’s history, but it confirms my gospel.
History Standing Alongside My Personal Life. Like I always say – it’s a funny place for it to hang out. But then again, it’s as good a place as any.
[1] For example, a small amount(s) of flesh is cut with a needle from your arm. These are then offered up in the Sacred Fire.
[2] Joseph Davis. A long-time friend and mentor, and chief within the American Indian Religion.
